71. THERE IS SOMETHING MORE IMPORTANT THAN OUR FAMILYJesus taught that there is one thing more important than your family, do you know what it is?
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Is there anything more important than your family? When we choose an occupation we think about whether it would take us away from our family. When we choose our spouse it is important to know that the families go well together. When we choose a place to live, we consider first the education of our children and how close the house will be to a good school. Family is everything, isn't it?
God gave the 10 commandments on Mt. Sinai as His law for all people at all times. In that law there is a very special commandment about the family. Do you remember the fifth commandment?
"Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long upon the land which the LORD your God is giving you."47
Jesus placed a high value on the 10 commandments saying that if someone wanted eternal life they needed to keep the commandments. Then to insure that there was no mistake about which commandments he was talking about, he quoted from the Ten Commandments and specifically mentioned the fth commandment.48 Is there anything in this world that could be more important than obeying your parents? Is there a loyalty greater than our loyalty to our parents? This may come as a surprise, but Jesus spoke about a family that is more important than our immediate physical family. Our loyalties to that family supersede all other physical family relationships. What family is that? As usual, let's start with a story.
Pakize gave one last adjustment to her hair-band and turned away from the mirror in the hall.
"O.K. mom I'm ready to go!"
"I'll be just a few more minutes Pakize, I've got to get these tomatoes in the refrigerator. We will be gone three days and they won't last out here on the countertop."
"Mom, we are already so late. "
"Sweetie your father's in the car and he is ready to go. I am almost ready. I know it is your first dormitory experience and you are excited about college. You have every right to be. You worked hard. But you can just settle down a little bit; that dormitory isn't going anywhere. It will be waiting for you when you get there."
Unfortunately her mother's words were about to be proved wrong. During the three-hour drive to Ankara, Pakize was either telling her dad to drive faster or calling her friends on the phone to talk about who her roommates might be. When they got to the university it was late afternoon and they went straight to the dorm. They waited in line for twenty minutes to do the final registration. When it was Pakize's turn it didn't seem like she would be able to stand still long enough to wait for the clerk to find her name on the list.
Finally the clerk spoke up:
"I'm sorry Pakize, you won't be able to stay at the dorm. Your room is full."
Pakize's face turned red. "There must be some mistake. I signed up a long time ago. I was one of the first on the list. It has been there for months."
"I'm sorry, but your bed was assigned to another."
Pakize was confused at first, then her confusion turned to anger. What was going on? She had registered.
She paid her down payment.
Everything was ready.
"How could you give my bed to someone else?" She shouted, "What is happening here?"
The clerk simply said, "I'm sorry, I don't know how this happened but there isn't anything I can do it about it."
The clerk was mixing truth with lies. She knew how it happened but she couldn't do anything about it.
As Pakize's mother and father tried to calm her down a student approached them.
"I saw what happened and I am really sorry. If you want to know what happened I can tell you. You got bumped from the dorm to make room for a granddaughter of the guy who donated the money for the dormitory. It is all about connections. The dorm was full. But you know family gets the privileges. He insisted that his relative get in the dorm and they had to bump someone. That just happened to be you. I'm really sorry. I hope you can find cheap housing near campus."
Almost all of us have seen how family connections can get things done. Maybe you have been the beneficiary of it or, like Pakize, the victim. Perhaps the relative of a doctor was seen before you at the hospital. Maybe you have seen the relatives of the rich and powerful get away with crimes that we would have gone to jail for. Either way, we have all seen how family connections can be convenient for some and not so convenient for others.
People place a lot of importance on family connections and hereditary positions. It was true in Jesus' day. The Jewish people had been given the scriptures, the promise of the Messiah, and the services of the tabernacle to point them to eternal life. Unfortunately, many of the Jewish people believed that because they were born as Jews, they were entitled to salvation. They viewed themselves as having a special connection to Abraham by ancestry and that this tie would guarantee a place in heaven. They thought they were the privileged class. But Jesus taught that this idea was not God's idea. Jesus stressed that a hereditary connection to Abraham was not a guarantee for salvation. In a shocking event, one that we need to look at in the light of Jesus' respect for the fth commandment, we will see that Jesus places "connections" in their proper perspective. Let's start by reading Mark chapter 3 verses 31-35:
31 Then His brothers and His mother came, and standing outside they sent to Him, calling Him. 32 And a multitude was sitting around Him; and they said to Him, "Look, Your mother and Your brothers are outside seeking You." 33 But He answered them, saying, "Who is My mother, or My brothers?" 34 And He looked around in a circle at those who sat about Him, and said, "Here are My mother and My brothers! 35 "For whoever does the will of God is My brother and My sister and mother."
Jesus didn't do what the crowd expected, and it must have been shocking! He was definitely not being disrespectful to his family. He was calling into question the crowd’s beliefs about loyalty. He made it clear to the people that those who did the will of God were closer to him than any bond of human kinship. Jesus is still speaking about family, but he is talking about the spiritual family of God. This spiritual family is connected to Jesus and one another not by common blood, but by common faith. As hard as it may be to understand, Mary was more closely united to Jesus as a believer and doer of Jesus' words than through her natural kinship.
Jesus used very shocking language to emphasize the serious truth of the spiritual relationship in God’s family. It is very important that we understand the spiritual implications of what he is saying because if we don't we might think Jesus was doing away with the fifth commandment. But he is not. Let’s carefully read Matthew chapter 10 verses 34-37:
34 Do not think that I came to bring peace on earth. I did not come to bring peace but a sword. 35 "For I have come to 'set a man against his father, a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law'; 36 "and 'a man's enemies will be those of his own household.' 37 "He who loves father or mother more than Me is not worthy of Me. And he who loves son or daughter more than Me is not worthy of Me.
Jesus made it very clear that his followers might be rejected by their own families simply because they choose to follow Jesus. What should a person do in that case? Does the fth commandment require us to do whatever our parents say, even if it means rejecting Jesus? Jesus said, "No."
He knew that many would reject him and persecute those who accepted him for who he claimed to be. It would even happen within families and be the source of division. Jesus' call to discipleship was very sharp. Let's continue in Matthew 10 verse 38:
38 "And he who does not take his cross and follow after Me is not worthy of Me.
The cross was the cruelest from of torture and death known in that part of the world. It was used by the Romans and pointed to their power. Criminals were often required to carry their own cross to the place of execution and many times they resisted violently. But Jesus expected something entirely different from his disciples. If we want to be his disciple, we must be willing to deny self even to the point of death. This is a bitter pill to swallow and there is no middle ground. Jesus continued to speak on this theme of self-renunciation in Matthew chapter 10 verses 39-42:
39 "He who nds his life will lose it, and he who loses his life for My sake will nd it. 40 " He who receives you receives Me, and he who receives Me receives Him who sent Me. 41 "He who receives a prophet in the name of a prophet shall receive a prophet's reward. And he who receives a righteous man in the name of a righteous man shall receive a righteous man's reward. 42 "And whoever gives one of these little ones only a cup of cold water in the name of a disciple, assuredly, I say to you, he shall by no means lose his reward."
Jesus stressed two things. Did you notice them? First, Jesus said that to be a true follower of him you must lose your life. What does that mean? Does "losing your life" mean physical death? Perhaps, because Jesus just used the expression of the cross to explain the level of commitment required. Or does "losing your life" mean that your life will be forever different, that you will have different aims and purposes? Since Jesus said that we must lose our life "for his sake" we see that the commitment is to Jesus and his teachings. This brings us to the second point. Jesus assures us that God will accept us if we accept him who was sent by God. If we lose our life for his sake, we will find life and receive a righteous man’s reward. We would become part of the spiritual family of God, a family that has higher claims on your life than your natural family. Consider this story.
During the independence war, a corporal ordered one of his soldiers to remain in a certain area and hold the enemy back. The soldier obeyed and did as he was ordered.
A short while later, a general sent a guard to the soldier with an order to retreat from the position.
"Sir, I have orders from my commander to remain here. Do you still want me to pull back?" He asked.
"Yes,” said the guard, "I am carrying the authority of the general and I am overriding your commander's orders."
What should the soldier do? Indeed there was an authority in his life, the corporal. But there was another authority in his life, the higher authority of the general. In the end, he obeyed the general's command and retreated.
We have a command to obey our father and mother and to honor them. But there is one who is higher than the command. God Himself. God said,
"Honor your father and your mother."
But He also said,
"You shall have no other gods before Me."49
If we put our parents commands above God's commands, we have made them gods. God has commanded us to be followers of Jesus. We are not only to listen to his words, but to believe them regardless of the cost. Could we lose friends? Yes. Could we lose our family? Yes. Will people hate us? Possibly. But don’t forget what Jesus said,
“He who finds his life will lose it, and he who loses his life for My sake will find it.”
You may already be calculating in your mind the cost of being a disciple of Jesus. You may be thinking that to do something your family disapproves of will be a terrible thing. But you must remember that God’s family is not about bloodlines and ancestry. It is about faith and devotion to His will. God’s family is a spiritual one and it supersedes our family ties on this earth. Of course, we should never be rude or disrespectful in any way to our family. But when the decisions of our earthly family conflict with God’s standards or will, there can be no compromise. Our eternal life depends on the loyalty that we have to the higher family.
The cost for you personally may be very high. In God's strength, by faith and trust in Him, you can carry out His commands through the messenger He has sent.
Discussion Questions
1. Do you think that the man who donated the money for the dormitory made the right decision to bump someone out to make room for his relative? Why or why not?
2. Do you feel a kinship to people in your community when you hear them call you "big sister" or "big brother"? Jesus said that in his
spiritual family he had mothers, brothers, and sisters. What do you think it means to have a spiritual brother, sister, or mother?
3. Jesus said, "He who nds his life will lose it, and he who loses his life for My sake will find it." Describe the life that you think you will
find if you follow Jesus.
4. Do you think the soldier holding his position made the right decision to obey the general's guard? Who has ultimate authority in
your life, your father, mother, or God?
5. What kind of dif culties could you face in your family and community as a follower of Jesus?
47 Exodus 20:12
48 Matthew 19:19
49 Exodus 20:3
God gave the 10 commandments on Mt. Sinai as His law for all people at all times. In that law there is a very special commandment about the family. Do you remember the fifth commandment?
"Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long upon the land which the LORD your God is giving you."47
Jesus placed a high value on the 10 commandments saying that if someone wanted eternal life they needed to keep the commandments. Then to insure that there was no mistake about which commandments he was talking about, he quoted from the Ten Commandments and specifically mentioned the fth commandment.48 Is there anything in this world that could be more important than obeying your parents? Is there a loyalty greater than our loyalty to our parents? This may come as a surprise, but Jesus spoke about a family that is more important than our immediate physical family. Our loyalties to that family supersede all other physical family relationships. What family is that? As usual, let's start with a story.
Pakize gave one last adjustment to her hair-band and turned away from the mirror in the hall.
"O.K. mom I'm ready to go!"
"I'll be just a few more minutes Pakize, I've got to get these tomatoes in the refrigerator. We will be gone three days and they won't last out here on the countertop."
"Mom, we are already so late. "
"Sweetie your father's in the car and he is ready to go. I am almost ready. I know it is your first dormitory experience and you are excited about college. You have every right to be. You worked hard. But you can just settle down a little bit; that dormitory isn't going anywhere. It will be waiting for you when you get there."
Unfortunately her mother's words were about to be proved wrong. During the three-hour drive to Ankara, Pakize was either telling her dad to drive faster or calling her friends on the phone to talk about who her roommates might be. When they got to the university it was late afternoon and they went straight to the dorm. They waited in line for twenty minutes to do the final registration. When it was Pakize's turn it didn't seem like she would be able to stand still long enough to wait for the clerk to find her name on the list.
Finally the clerk spoke up:
"I'm sorry Pakize, you won't be able to stay at the dorm. Your room is full."
Pakize's face turned red. "There must be some mistake. I signed up a long time ago. I was one of the first on the list. It has been there for months."
"I'm sorry, but your bed was assigned to another."
Pakize was confused at first, then her confusion turned to anger. What was going on? She had registered.
She paid her down payment.
Everything was ready.
"How could you give my bed to someone else?" She shouted, "What is happening here?"
The clerk simply said, "I'm sorry, I don't know how this happened but there isn't anything I can do it about it."
The clerk was mixing truth with lies. She knew how it happened but she couldn't do anything about it.
As Pakize's mother and father tried to calm her down a student approached them.
"I saw what happened and I am really sorry. If you want to know what happened I can tell you. You got bumped from the dorm to make room for a granddaughter of the guy who donated the money for the dormitory. It is all about connections. The dorm was full. But you know family gets the privileges. He insisted that his relative get in the dorm and they had to bump someone. That just happened to be you. I'm really sorry. I hope you can find cheap housing near campus."
Almost all of us have seen how family connections can get things done. Maybe you have been the beneficiary of it or, like Pakize, the victim. Perhaps the relative of a doctor was seen before you at the hospital. Maybe you have seen the relatives of the rich and powerful get away with crimes that we would have gone to jail for. Either way, we have all seen how family connections can be convenient for some and not so convenient for others.
People place a lot of importance on family connections and hereditary positions. It was true in Jesus' day. The Jewish people had been given the scriptures, the promise of the Messiah, and the services of the tabernacle to point them to eternal life. Unfortunately, many of the Jewish people believed that because they were born as Jews, they were entitled to salvation. They viewed themselves as having a special connection to Abraham by ancestry and that this tie would guarantee a place in heaven. They thought they were the privileged class. But Jesus taught that this idea was not God's idea. Jesus stressed that a hereditary connection to Abraham was not a guarantee for salvation. In a shocking event, one that we need to look at in the light of Jesus' respect for the fth commandment, we will see that Jesus places "connections" in their proper perspective. Let's start by reading Mark chapter 3 verses 31-35:
31 Then His brothers and His mother came, and standing outside they sent to Him, calling Him. 32 And a multitude was sitting around Him; and they said to Him, "Look, Your mother and Your brothers are outside seeking You." 33 But He answered them, saying, "Who is My mother, or My brothers?" 34 And He looked around in a circle at those who sat about Him, and said, "Here are My mother and My brothers! 35 "For whoever does the will of God is My brother and My sister and mother."
Jesus didn't do what the crowd expected, and it must have been shocking! He was definitely not being disrespectful to his family. He was calling into question the crowd’s beliefs about loyalty. He made it clear to the people that those who did the will of God were closer to him than any bond of human kinship. Jesus is still speaking about family, but he is talking about the spiritual family of God. This spiritual family is connected to Jesus and one another not by common blood, but by common faith. As hard as it may be to understand, Mary was more closely united to Jesus as a believer and doer of Jesus' words than through her natural kinship.
Jesus used very shocking language to emphasize the serious truth of the spiritual relationship in God’s family. It is very important that we understand the spiritual implications of what he is saying because if we don't we might think Jesus was doing away with the fifth commandment. But he is not. Let’s carefully read Matthew chapter 10 verses 34-37:
34 Do not think that I came to bring peace on earth. I did not come to bring peace but a sword. 35 "For I have come to 'set a man against his father, a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law'; 36 "and 'a man's enemies will be those of his own household.' 37 "He who loves father or mother more than Me is not worthy of Me. And he who loves son or daughter more than Me is not worthy of Me.
Jesus made it very clear that his followers might be rejected by their own families simply because they choose to follow Jesus. What should a person do in that case? Does the fth commandment require us to do whatever our parents say, even if it means rejecting Jesus? Jesus said, "No."
He knew that many would reject him and persecute those who accepted him for who he claimed to be. It would even happen within families and be the source of division. Jesus' call to discipleship was very sharp. Let's continue in Matthew 10 verse 38:
38 "And he who does not take his cross and follow after Me is not worthy of Me.
The cross was the cruelest from of torture and death known in that part of the world. It was used by the Romans and pointed to their power. Criminals were often required to carry their own cross to the place of execution and many times they resisted violently. But Jesus expected something entirely different from his disciples. If we want to be his disciple, we must be willing to deny self even to the point of death. This is a bitter pill to swallow and there is no middle ground. Jesus continued to speak on this theme of self-renunciation in Matthew chapter 10 verses 39-42:
39 "He who nds his life will lose it, and he who loses his life for My sake will nd it. 40 " He who receives you receives Me, and he who receives Me receives Him who sent Me. 41 "He who receives a prophet in the name of a prophet shall receive a prophet's reward. And he who receives a righteous man in the name of a righteous man shall receive a righteous man's reward. 42 "And whoever gives one of these little ones only a cup of cold water in the name of a disciple, assuredly, I say to you, he shall by no means lose his reward."
Jesus stressed two things. Did you notice them? First, Jesus said that to be a true follower of him you must lose your life. What does that mean? Does "losing your life" mean physical death? Perhaps, because Jesus just used the expression of the cross to explain the level of commitment required. Or does "losing your life" mean that your life will be forever different, that you will have different aims and purposes? Since Jesus said that we must lose our life "for his sake" we see that the commitment is to Jesus and his teachings. This brings us to the second point. Jesus assures us that God will accept us if we accept him who was sent by God. If we lose our life for his sake, we will find life and receive a righteous man’s reward. We would become part of the spiritual family of God, a family that has higher claims on your life than your natural family. Consider this story.
During the independence war, a corporal ordered one of his soldiers to remain in a certain area and hold the enemy back. The soldier obeyed and did as he was ordered.
A short while later, a general sent a guard to the soldier with an order to retreat from the position.
"Sir, I have orders from my commander to remain here. Do you still want me to pull back?" He asked.
"Yes,” said the guard, "I am carrying the authority of the general and I am overriding your commander's orders."
What should the soldier do? Indeed there was an authority in his life, the corporal. But there was another authority in his life, the higher authority of the general. In the end, he obeyed the general's command and retreated.
We have a command to obey our father and mother and to honor them. But there is one who is higher than the command. God Himself. God said,
"Honor your father and your mother."
But He also said,
"You shall have no other gods before Me."49
If we put our parents commands above God's commands, we have made them gods. God has commanded us to be followers of Jesus. We are not only to listen to his words, but to believe them regardless of the cost. Could we lose friends? Yes. Could we lose our family? Yes. Will people hate us? Possibly. But don’t forget what Jesus said,
“He who finds his life will lose it, and he who loses his life for My sake will find it.”
You may already be calculating in your mind the cost of being a disciple of Jesus. You may be thinking that to do something your family disapproves of will be a terrible thing. But you must remember that God’s family is not about bloodlines and ancestry. It is about faith and devotion to His will. God’s family is a spiritual one and it supersedes our family ties on this earth. Of course, we should never be rude or disrespectful in any way to our family. But when the decisions of our earthly family conflict with God’s standards or will, there can be no compromise. Our eternal life depends on the loyalty that we have to the higher family.
The cost for you personally may be very high. In God's strength, by faith and trust in Him, you can carry out His commands through the messenger He has sent.
Discussion Questions
1. Do you think that the man who donated the money for the dormitory made the right decision to bump someone out to make room for his relative? Why or why not?
2. Do you feel a kinship to people in your community when you hear them call you "big sister" or "big brother"? Jesus said that in his
spiritual family he had mothers, brothers, and sisters. What do you think it means to have a spiritual brother, sister, or mother?
3. Jesus said, "He who nds his life will lose it, and he who loses his life for My sake will find it." Describe the life that you think you will
find if you follow Jesus.
4. Do you think the soldier holding his position made the right decision to obey the general's guard? Who has ultimate authority in
your life, your father, mother, or God?
5. What kind of dif culties could you face in your family and community as a follower of Jesus?
47 Exodus 20:12
48 Matthew 19:19
49 Exodus 20:3