4. FATE AND CHOICE |
|
We live in a complex world and we live complex lives. Every second, minute, hour, and day we make choices that not only have an immediate effect on the day’s events, but our entire lives. It is easy to notice how certain decisions produce specific outcomes. But sometimes, when life is spinning out of control or something happens that doesn't seem to t into our plans, we often write it off as fate. However, when we assign a bad event to fate we are at the same time placing the blame or responsibility on someone else, namely God. After all, it is only Him who is all knowing and in control. But as we saw in the previous lesson, bad things don't come from God. Let's look at the lives of two people who struggled with this very issue.
As Begüm descended the stairs of her parent’s apartment, her mind was spinning like a top. The feeling of shame and disappointment was so strong she had to sit down. The events from the last two months played over and over in her mind.
"I thought we were in love. He told me that he wanted to be with me the rest of his life. My friends said that sex would bring us closer. Why? Why now? Why me?” she thought with tears rolling down her cheeks.
Two days ago, Begüm thought she knew what her future held: graduation, starting a new job, and maybe getting married. After getting married and when their finances were secure, maybe they would have a child. In this day and age, it always makes more sense to be financially prepared before having children because they come with a lot of expenses. At least that is what everyone says. But there won’t be any time for that, those thoughts will remain a dream.
Exams were only a few months away, so graduation was still a possibility. But how will she be able to spend time looking for a job and who would hire someone about to have a baby. And marriage, it is nearly impossible for a single mother to find a husband, especially when she became pregnant out of wedlock. So many questions were running through her mind, and she had no answers for them. Perhaps they would come in time, but until then she needed to get up and leave. She didn’t want to risk meeting her father again, especially after he ordered her to leave the house and never come back.
Begüm left the building and boarded a dolmuş. She decided to get help from the only people left in her life, her friends; even though these were the same friends who encouraged her to “live free”. As she sat on the dolmuş, the thoughts came back. No matter how hard she tried to think about something else, the same word kept repeating in her head “Why, Why, Why?” Maybe her friends could give her some advice or help her understand what was happening.
She stepped off the dolmuş and pulled the heavy bag onto her shoulder. You could put another 5 kilos in that bag and it still wouldn’t feel as heavy as the burden of shame on her heart. Unfortunately for Begüm, she would carry this shame for a very long time, maybe her whole life. She wanted to compose herself and calm down a little before seeking support from her friends. Although she wanted their advice, she mostly needed a place to stay for a while. So she dropped her burden next to a park bench and sat down. Her head was throbbing, her hands were shaking, and her mind was all mixed up. “Breathe, breathe” she muttered. She tried to organize all the events that led up to this moment.
She thought about the move from Sarıgöl almost five years ago and the first few weeks that the family spent together getting used to this new city; breakfast on the balcony, pide in the park, and the smell of green pepper, onions, and chicken cooking on the grill during picnics in Kaynaklar. Images of her father, proud at every exam she passed, flashed in her mind. She hoped the memories of the gleam in his eye would outlast the expression of disgust she had just witnessed. “Ayşe, oh Ayşe” she moaned. Her little sister had always looked up to her, always wanted to be just like her. But not like this, she wondered how Ayşe’s life would turn out. The thought of letting down her sister almost made her forget about the pregnancy. But her memories shifted towards her mother. She had always worked so hard teaching Begüm and Ayşe how to run a home, how to be modest yet graceful, and it wasn’t just her words. Her example stood out more than anything. She was a simple village girl, married at a young age, and never able to live out her dreams. She never said it, but one day while making gözleme she looked deep into her mother’s eyes and could just sense it. When their eyes met, her mother just smiled. At that moment, Begüm realized that she probably wouldn’t see that smile again. At that exact moment, Begüm realized that she too might never live out her dreams.
Now that she had relaxed a little, she felt ready to talk with her friends. At first, they were a bit perplexed as to why Begüm was carrying a duffle bag. But as she began to tell them the day’s events, everything became crystal clear. Fortunate for Begüm, her friends had an extra room and they gladly allowed her to move in. At least now she could concentrate on finishing her classes, taking her exams, and graduating. That night, Begüm spent some quality time talking with Necla. They shared their problems with one another, hugged, and cried. As the conversation ended, Necla, as she was walking to her room, said something that struck a chord in Begüm’s heart.
“It's just fate!”
“It's just fate!” She had heard this many times throughout her life, but never given it much thought.
“Does fate really happen? Is it really that simple? I mean, has my life already been written out and are the last several weeks just pages from a book?” she thought. “What if I would have listened to my father? What if I had ignored the pressure of my friends and Murat? Was it even possible for me to resist? Right now, everything is terrible. Does God really want this for me? If so, I don’t know if I can accept a God like that.”
Begüm just wanted the day to be over, so she got up from the couch and walked to her room. After she got in bed, pulled the covers up, and turned off the light, she fell asleep to “It was fate!” ringing in her ears.
In Genesis chapter 3 we read the story of Adam and Eve being banished from the Garden of Eden. When they left, angels and a flaming sword were placed at the entrance so they wouldn’t be able to return. Without access to the tree of life, they would one day die. But even worse, every day they lived was a day filled with shame and disappointment, tears and pain.
We can be sure that as Adam and Eve slowly walked away from the home they once lived in and the garden they cared for, they experienced emotions that they didn’t even know existed. This once perfect couple probably looked back and wondered how life could have been. But like Begüm, there was no turning back time. And as they got used to the daily toil of surviving, new challenges arrived, namely parenthood.
At some point after their banishment, Adam and Eve had their first child and named him Cain. Shortly thereafter they had another son and his name was Abel. The Bible doesn’t specifically say how their lives were. But I think we can safely say that Adam and Eve taught them many things about God and life, mistakes and obedience. Let's start by reading from Genesis chapter 4 verses 3-6:
3 In the course of time Cain brought to the LORD an offering of the fruit of the ground, 4 and Abel also brought of the firstborn of his flock and of their fat portions. And the LORD had regard for Abel and his offering, 5 but for Cain and his offering he had no regard. So Cain was very angry, and his face fell. 6 The LORD said to Cain, Why are you angry, and why has your face fallen?
In these verses, we read that Cain became a farmer, while Abel was a shepherd. In keeping with what God taught Adam and Eve, and in turn they their sons, Cain and Abel both brought offerings to God. But just as the word implies, an offering must be accepted and it is clear that Abel’s offering is accepted, while Cain’s isn’t. Now it doesn’t exactly say why Cain’s offering wasn’t accepted, but we can assume that it didn't meet God's standards because later on in the Bible we will see that God has some very clear expectations when it comes to offerings and sacrifices. Nonetheless, Cain wasn’t very happy. But Cain wasn’t left alone to sulk in his grief and anger. God was right there with him and asked him why he was angry. In other words, he wasn’t indifferent when he refused Cain’s offering. Instead he showed great concern for him. Let’s read verse 7:
7 If you do well, will you not be accepted? And if you do not do well, sin is crouching at the door. Its desire is for you, but you must rule over it.
God always gives good counsel and that which he gave to Cain was also good! In summary, do what I tell you and everything will work out, you will be accepted. But if you don’t do good, sin is waiting to destroy you. People often like to say how unclear or confusing the Bible is, but in this verse it is very clear what wants to destroy us, namely sin. Unfortunately Cain decided not to listen to God’s advice, just like Begüm didn't listen to her father's. But Cain did something even worse than ignore God! We can read about it in verses 8 and 9:
8 Cain spoke to Abel his brother. And when they were in the eld, Cain rose up against his brother Abel and killed him. 9 Then the LORD said to Cain, Where is Abel your brother? He said, I do not know; am I my brother's keeper?"
What an unthinkable question! An older brother who shows no remorse, much less care for his younger brother. Sadly, this is the first mention of murder in the Bible, and it didn’t happen between enemies. An ağabey killed his younger brother. The very one who should have protected him, took his life. As the oldest, Cain had a responsibility to guide and be a mentor to his sibling. But instead of fulfilling this responsibility he succumbed to feelings of jealousy. When he said, “Am I my brother’s keeper?” he made it clear that he had shunned the responsibility that God had given him. Let's finish the story by reading verses 10-16:
10 And the LORD said, What have you done? The voice of your brother's blood is crying to me from the ground. 11 And now you are cursed from the ground, which has opened its mouth to receive your brother's blood from your hand. 12 When you work the ground, it shall no longer yield to you its strength. You shall be a fugitive and a wanderer on the earth. 13 Cain said to the LORD, My punishment is greater than I can bear. 14 Behold, you have driven me today away from the ground, and from your face I shall be hidden. I shall be a fugitive and a wanderer on the earth, and whoever finds me will kill me. 15 Then the LORD said to him, Not so! If anyone kills Cain, vengeance shall be taken on him sevenfold. And the LORD put a mark on Cain, lest any who found him should attack him. 16 Then Cain went away from the presence of the LORD and settled in the land of Nod, east of Eden.
Just as God said, sin was waiting to destroy Cain. He was cast out from his family to dwell alone. The earth, which once provided food for him, would no longer be productive. Can we honestly say for Cain “it was fate”? Is this what God had planned for him all along? Was Cain born to be a murderer and Abel to be a victim? Did Eve give birth to two sons, just to have one die and one banished? Was this all written in a book beforehand and simply played out on the big screen called Earth?
According to what we read, that doesn’t appear to be the case. God warned Cain and advised him to do right. You could say that God was trying to keep Cain on the right track. It wasn’t God’s fault that Cain didn’t listen and it definitely wasn’t God’s plan for Cain to sin because he warned him against it. Cain’s situation was the same as his parents. They too were warned, but they chose not to listen and sin, that is death, was waiting at the door. Let's look at a famous fable that illustrates the same idea.
One day a goat saw some tasty grass and wandered from the herd. While he was eating, a wolf spotted him all alone. "Ah, I won't let this opportunity get away. He will be so tasty in my mouth!" he said. As the wolf approached, the goat saw that he was in danger and realizing he had no chance to flee he spoke to the wolf, "There isn't anything I can do. Our fates have crossed! Seeing that I am about to die, can you play the ute and make me happy? Then I will forget myself and die." The wolf decided to grant his wish, found a ute, and began to play. The wolf played and the goat danced. In the distance, a pack of dogs heard the ute and started running towards it. The wolf realized that they were coming for him and before he ed he said to the goat, "It isn't your fault, but mine. I ruined a wonderful feast by playing the flute!"
Just as the wolf said, the fault was his to bear. It wasn’t fate that did him in, but his choice. Cain, just like his parents, the wolf, and Begüm, made a choice and it is a choice he would live with the rest of his life. There is a not so famous song whose lyrics are very pertinent to this lesson. The chorus says, “we are creatures of fate and victims of destiny, which we create.” Is it possible that a majority of what we call fate is actually the result of the choices we make? If so, our choices play an important role in changing our fate! What choices have you made lately?
Discussion Questions
As Begüm descended the stairs of her parent’s apartment, her mind was spinning like a top. The feeling of shame and disappointment was so strong she had to sit down. The events from the last two months played over and over in her mind.
"I thought we were in love. He told me that he wanted to be with me the rest of his life. My friends said that sex would bring us closer. Why? Why now? Why me?” she thought with tears rolling down her cheeks.
Two days ago, Begüm thought she knew what her future held: graduation, starting a new job, and maybe getting married. After getting married and when their finances were secure, maybe they would have a child. In this day and age, it always makes more sense to be financially prepared before having children because they come with a lot of expenses. At least that is what everyone says. But there won’t be any time for that, those thoughts will remain a dream.
Exams were only a few months away, so graduation was still a possibility. But how will she be able to spend time looking for a job and who would hire someone about to have a baby. And marriage, it is nearly impossible for a single mother to find a husband, especially when she became pregnant out of wedlock. So many questions were running through her mind, and she had no answers for them. Perhaps they would come in time, but until then she needed to get up and leave. She didn’t want to risk meeting her father again, especially after he ordered her to leave the house and never come back.
Begüm left the building and boarded a dolmuş. She decided to get help from the only people left in her life, her friends; even though these were the same friends who encouraged her to “live free”. As she sat on the dolmuş, the thoughts came back. No matter how hard she tried to think about something else, the same word kept repeating in her head “Why, Why, Why?” Maybe her friends could give her some advice or help her understand what was happening.
She stepped off the dolmuş and pulled the heavy bag onto her shoulder. You could put another 5 kilos in that bag and it still wouldn’t feel as heavy as the burden of shame on her heart. Unfortunately for Begüm, she would carry this shame for a very long time, maybe her whole life. She wanted to compose herself and calm down a little before seeking support from her friends. Although she wanted their advice, she mostly needed a place to stay for a while. So she dropped her burden next to a park bench and sat down. Her head was throbbing, her hands were shaking, and her mind was all mixed up. “Breathe, breathe” she muttered. She tried to organize all the events that led up to this moment.
She thought about the move from Sarıgöl almost five years ago and the first few weeks that the family spent together getting used to this new city; breakfast on the balcony, pide in the park, and the smell of green pepper, onions, and chicken cooking on the grill during picnics in Kaynaklar. Images of her father, proud at every exam she passed, flashed in her mind. She hoped the memories of the gleam in his eye would outlast the expression of disgust she had just witnessed. “Ayşe, oh Ayşe” she moaned. Her little sister had always looked up to her, always wanted to be just like her. But not like this, she wondered how Ayşe’s life would turn out. The thought of letting down her sister almost made her forget about the pregnancy. But her memories shifted towards her mother. She had always worked so hard teaching Begüm and Ayşe how to run a home, how to be modest yet graceful, and it wasn’t just her words. Her example stood out more than anything. She was a simple village girl, married at a young age, and never able to live out her dreams. She never said it, but one day while making gözleme she looked deep into her mother’s eyes and could just sense it. When their eyes met, her mother just smiled. At that moment, Begüm realized that she probably wouldn’t see that smile again. At that exact moment, Begüm realized that she too might never live out her dreams.
Now that she had relaxed a little, she felt ready to talk with her friends. At first, they were a bit perplexed as to why Begüm was carrying a duffle bag. But as she began to tell them the day’s events, everything became crystal clear. Fortunate for Begüm, her friends had an extra room and they gladly allowed her to move in. At least now she could concentrate on finishing her classes, taking her exams, and graduating. That night, Begüm spent some quality time talking with Necla. They shared their problems with one another, hugged, and cried. As the conversation ended, Necla, as she was walking to her room, said something that struck a chord in Begüm’s heart.
“It's just fate!”
“It's just fate!” She had heard this many times throughout her life, but never given it much thought.
“Does fate really happen? Is it really that simple? I mean, has my life already been written out and are the last several weeks just pages from a book?” she thought. “What if I would have listened to my father? What if I had ignored the pressure of my friends and Murat? Was it even possible for me to resist? Right now, everything is terrible. Does God really want this for me? If so, I don’t know if I can accept a God like that.”
Begüm just wanted the day to be over, so she got up from the couch and walked to her room. After she got in bed, pulled the covers up, and turned off the light, she fell asleep to “It was fate!” ringing in her ears.
In Genesis chapter 3 we read the story of Adam and Eve being banished from the Garden of Eden. When they left, angels and a flaming sword were placed at the entrance so they wouldn’t be able to return. Without access to the tree of life, they would one day die. But even worse, every day they lived was a day filled with shame and disappointment, tears and pain.
We can be sure that as Adam and Eve slowly walked away from the home they once lived in and the garden they cared for, they experienced emotions that they didn’t even know existed. This once perfect couple probably looked back and wondered how life could have been. But like Begüm, there was no turning back time. And as they got used to the daily toil of surviving, new challenges arrived, namely parenthood.
At some point after their banishment, Adam and Eve had their first child and named him Cain. Shortly thereafter they had another son and his name was Abel. The Bible doesn’t specifically say how their lives were. But I think we can safely say that Adam and Eve taught them many things about God and life, mistakes and obedience. Let's start by reading from Genesis chapter 4 verses 3-6:
3 In the course of time Cain brought to the LORD an offering of the fruit of the ground, 4 and Abel also brought of the firstborn of his flock and of their fat portions. And the LORD had regard for Abel and his offering, 5 but for Cain and his offering he had no regard. So Cain was very angry, and his face fell. 6 The LORD said to Cain, Why are you angry, and why has your face fallen?
In these verses, we read that Cain became a farmer, while Abel was a shepherd. In keeping with what God taught Adam and Eve, and in turn they their sons, Cain and Abel both brought offerings to God. But just as the word implies, an offering must be accepted and it is clear that Abel’s offering is accepted, while Cain’s isn’t. Now it doesn’t exactly say why Cain’s offering wasn’t accepted, but we can assume that it didn't meet God's standards because later on in the Bible we will see that God has some very clear expectations when it comes to offerings and sacrifices. Nonetheless, Cain wasn’t very happy. But Cain wasn’t left alone to sulk in his grief and anger. God was right there with him and asked him why he was angry. In other words, he wasn’t indifferent when he refused Cain’s offering. Instead he showed great concern for him. Let’s read verse 7:
7 If you do well, will you not be accepted? And if you do not do well, sin is crouching at the door. Its desire is for you, but you must rule over it.
God always gives good counsel and that which he gave to Cain was also good! In summary, do what I tell you and everything will work out, you will be accepted. But if you don’t do good, sin is waiting to destroy you. People often like to say how unclear or confusing the Bible is, but in this verse it is very clear what wants to destroy us, namely sin. Unfortunately Cain decided not to listen to God’s advice, just like Begüm didn't listen to her father's. But Cain did something even worse than ignore God! We can read about it in verses 8 and 9:
8 Cain spoke to Abel his brother. And when they were in the eld, Cain rose up against his brother Abel and killed him. 9 Then the LORD said to Cain, Where is Abel your brother? He said, I do not know; am I my brother's keeper?"
What an unthinkable question! An older brother who shows no remorse, much less care for his younger brother. Sadly, this is the first mention of murder in the Bible, and it didn’t happen between enemies. An ağabey killed his younger brother. The very one who should have protected him, took his life. As the oldest, Cain had a responsibility to guide and be a mentor to his sibling. But instead of fulfilling this responsibility he succumbed to feelings of jealousy. When he said, “Am I my brother’s keeper?” he made it clear that he had shunned the responsibility that God had given him. Let's finish the story by reading verses 10-16:
10 And the LORD said, What have you done? The voice of your brother's blood is crying to me from the ground. 11 And now you are cursed from the ground, which has opened its mouth to receive your brother's blood from your hand. 12 When you work the ground, it shall no longer yield to you its strength. You shall be a fugitive and a wanderer on the earth. 13 Cain said to the LORD, My punishment is greater than I can bear. 14 Behold, you have driven me today away from the ground, and from your face I shall be hidden. I shall be a fugitive and a wanderer on the earth, and whoever finds me will kill me. 15 Then the LORD said to him, Not so! If anyone kills Cain, vengeance shall be taken on him sevenfold. And the LORD put a mark on Cain, lest any who found him should attack him. 16 Then Cain went away from the presence of the LORD and settled in the land of Nod, east of Eden.
Just as God said, sin was waiting to destroy Cain. He was cast out from his family to dwell alone. The earth, which once provided food for him, would no longer be productive. Can we honestly say for Cain “it was fate”? Is this what God had planned for him all along? Was Cain born to be a murderer and Abel to be a victim? Did Eve give birth to two sons, just to have one die and one banished? Was this all written in a book beforehand and simply played out on the big screen called Earth?
According to what we read, that doesn’t appear to be the case. God warned Cain and advised him to do right. You could say that God was trying to keep Cain on the right track. It wasn’t God’s fault that Cain didn’t listen and it definitely wasn’t God’s plan for Cain to sin because he warned him against it. Cain’s situation was the same as his parents. They too were warned, but they chose not to listen and sin, that is death, was waiting at the door. Let's look at a famous fable that illustrates the same idea.
One day a goat saw some tasty grass and wandered from the herd. While he was eating, a wolf spotted him all alone. "Ah, I won't let this opportunity get away. He will be so tasty in my mouth!" he said. As the wolf approached, the goat saw that he was in danger and realizing he had no chance to flee he spoke to the wolf, "There isn't anything I can do. Our fates have crossed! Seeing that I am about to die, can you play the ute and make me happy? Then I will forget myself and die." The wolf decided to grant his wish, found a ute, and began to play. The wolf played and the goat danced. In the distance, a pack of dogs heard the ute and started running towards it. The wolf realized that they were coming for him and before he ed he said to the goat, "It isn't your fault, but mine. I ruined a wonderful feast by playing the flute!"
Just as the wolf said, the fault was his to bear. It wasn’t fate that did him in, but his choice. Cain, just like his parents, the wolf, and Begüm, made a choice and it is a choice he would live with the rest of his life. There is a not so famous song whose lyrics are very pertinent to this lesson. The chorus says, “we are creatures of fate and victims of destiny, which we create.” Is it possible that a majority of what we call fate is actually the result of the choices we make? If so, our choices play an important role in changing our fate! What choices have you made lately?
Discussion Questions
- Have you ever felt bound and regretful about something that someone did to you? Or maybe what you did to someone else? How did you respond?
- What evidence from scripture shows us that Cain could have chosen not to kill his brother?
- How must have Adam and Eve felt to find their son dead in the field?
- Review again the events of Gen. 2 and 3. How were the choices of Adam and Eve partially responsible for the act of Cain?